The Final Conversation [UPDATE]

I said that I wasn’t going to write about love, I’ve grown tired of the conversation, the hearing of other people’s relationships woes and wishes, along with my own desires. I thought long and hard about writing a love article, I’d started and then I’d stopped. . . Now, I think, maybe I can address things head on. I’ve been single for over a year, I’ve met people, they didn’t work out, nothing grew from the friendships, I’ve [sort of] moved on, talked with some girlfriends about my situation, they weren’t much help because they were either as much as a hopeless romantic I am or they’ve been in relationships so long that they have no clue on the life outside of one anymore.

The single friends that I do have are similar to me, [attempting to be] celibate, wanting a serious situation, potentially a husband and we’ve expressed these things. I’ve prayed over these feelings, searched for answers , [somewhat] meditated, and thought things over tirelessly. As I think about my inner-most desires and where I’d like to be in life, I see things that make me realize how NOT ready I am. I said that I wanted a husband. . .

  • Well, do I know how to be a wife? The answer is no, I barely even know how to cook how can I be a wife to someone?
  • Am I qualified for such a heavy title/promotion? Probably not since I still have a few immature, selfish ways that could drive my “husband” into hands of another woman [or a courthouse :-/ ].
  • Do I know myself well enough to become one (an entire unit) with someone else? No, absolutely not.
  • Have I reached a point in my life where I can allow someone to love me and treat me well? I don’t think so. . . I haven’t done these things for myself, how can I expect someone else do this for me when I carry the odor of insecurity?
  • Have I even allowed God (my faith, not yours) to love me, transform me, and shower me with what I need prior to seeking a fleshly human to “complete me”? Another “no” for the books.

The point I’m getting across is that we seek out anything and everything except what we truly NEED. I’m in a place where I can be shamelessly honest about my shortcomings, I live in my truth, I want things, we all do, but we have to question our motives, why do we want these things? & Are we prepared to take on new responsibilities? Some won’t care, in the least, about any of these questions and continue on a path of misery because they fail to do the work.

I’ve slightly mentioned these things to my single friends only for it to fall upon such sad and pathetic deaf ears, they carry on seeking Mr. Wrong and expect me to lend my precious time to the same stories with rotating characters. We have to be honest with ourselves, we cannot expect things to go right by continuously living life OUR way, especially, when you’re clueless! I’m no relationship expert, I honestly don’t want to give advice about relationships because I’m not in one, I’m assuming that I’m not ready for one being that everything I’ve touched, thus far, has turned into a disappointing dust but the more questions that I ask, the more I believe God reveals to me. These revelations just show me where I am and where I need to be in order for me to finally have access to my desires.

I’m almost certain that this post will be the very last time that I speak of my love life but something had triggered me to address it and it felt right with every tap of a letter. I’m not here to sugarcoat nor salt reality and I could certainly go into deeper detail of this topic but I won’t. I don’t care to, it’s been told already. I do, however, want to extend myself to help someone else just like me. . .

*UPDATE*

WHAT I REALLY WANTED TO ADD, BECAUSE IT CAME TO ME, AS I STRUGGLE WITH ATTACHMENT ISSUES, IS THAT YOU HAVE TO RELEASE YOUR PAST. INITIALLY, IT MAY SEEM DIFFICULT BUT YOU ABSOLUTELY CANNOT WELCOME A BRAND NEW SITUATION[THAT COULD BE GOOD FOR YOU] WHILE GRASPING ONTO WHAT WAS. SOMETIMES, YOU WILL HINDER, OR ALTOGETHER BLOCK YOUR HAPPINESS, YOUR BLESSING(S), DUE TO CONTINUOUSLY HOARDING OLD FEELINGS, RETURNING TO DEAD SITUATIONS, AND REFUSING TO ACKNOWLEGE YOUR TRUE SELF AND THE PROBLEMS THAT ARE BEFORE YOU. IT HAD TAKEN ME SOME TIME BEFORE REALIZING IT. IF YOU WANT TO BE FREE, YOU MUST DO THE WORK TO RELEASE YOURSELF.

Be blessed, you all, and be sure to follow and subscribe to Ambitiousoul right here on wordpress. Leave your comments below and follow me on twitter

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